All I want is closure

photo credit: David Blackwell. via photopin cc

Searching for a job post graduation can be what feels like, trying to break a wall with a plastic hammer. I think about every recent grad can agree with me that it is no easy task. It has to be the most annoying things in the world. You begin to feel like that money you spent on college could have been used to open a business or been put to use on something better. I mean do really need to spend so much money on college. I digress! 

Found a job in a place that I absolutely adore and thought that being there would ensure me another job in the same building. Oh did I mention that the job I have now is temporary so I'm still on the search. 

Yea that kind of thang where you are praying to God that you get pretty much the permanent opportunity of your dreams.

Well since being on the search I've had a couple interviews that were pretty okay. I mean I was qualified for all of them. Though, the same thing has been popping up on my mind. Where did I miss the memo that if you are not qualified for said job you don't get an email? I'm not asking for a long phone call or a visit to my home to notify me that I didn't get the job. 

Please just send me an email saying sorry, you don't qualify for this job because there is something better out there for you. 

I don't know, is that not a common thing to do? I need some answers. I pretty much can't deal with loose ends in anything I do. I'm the kind of girl that likes closure. Am I the only one? 

Which leads me to another topic....

That would have to be another post...

I Woke Up Like Dis!

photo credit: DioBurto via photopin cc 

  We teach girls to shrink themselves.

To make themselves smaller.

We say to girls,

You can have ambition but not too much.

You should aim to be successful but not too successful otherwise you will threaten the man.

Because I am female,

I am expected to aspire to marriage.

I'm expected to make my life choices, always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important.

Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support,

But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same.

We raise girls to see each other as competitors, 

Not for jobs or accomplishments,

Which I think can be a good thing,

but for the attention of men.

We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.

- Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche (BEYONCÉ)

828,773 purchased in the first three days; she did that!! Beyonce done did it again. Doing my what feels like 100th listen of the new album by yah girl Yoncé, I was in awe at the greatness that Ms. Chimamanda was speaking on that "Flawless" track quoted above. This got me to thinking, really what's going on in our society? 

The main messages that resonated to me:

• Being "too successful" doesn't make the man look lesser.

• We should teach our young boys to aspire to marriage as we do our young girls.

• Women should be coming together and not fighting against one another. We need each other as a whole.

• Woman should not be shunned for being sexual beings.

If that doesn't say something I don't know what does. These ladies were speaking major gems on this track. Much of the talk of this, what seems to be "controversial" album by the multi-talented singer has been the talk of the world town. Some say Feminism, some say it's just Bey doing the damn thing. The SoNatural has a lot to say in her Open Letter to Black Feminists! 

So when you wake up remember you're flawless!! 

The Lion

I met a guy this year that was like the rainbows of the sky. He adorned me with kisses. His presence it did something to me, it made me feel high. Almost as if it were ecstasy. We would go out on the town, he'd even listen to what my heart desired. It was the simple things that made me appreciate him. The way we connected was like the Universe had conspired our meeting all along. We'd talk for hours simply about nothing. We'd enjoy each other's presence from a distance. He went away one day and he came back and we often spoke of dreams together. His touch it heightened my every sense because there was something different about him. I was confused to whether I had found my King. He pretty much seemed like it because he was...Leo a lion. He protected my every care and he made me feel like nothing in this world could harm me. He held me close and not even tried to come close to my flower. Though I know he envisioned that my flower would bloom with and for him. As every man does. I felt like a Queen protected and yearned by a King. He as I a language of love through touch. It felt so right. He'd make plans of how we would create a kingdom and how I was perfect. How I would be an example to the greatness to come. How his family would be open to me apart of them. How I would be great by his side. We spoke of us connecting on a different level. I was hesitant but, I obliged. I allowed him to be my King, but that Leo he left. I've missed him ever since. He felt like perfection on a bright sunny day and his presence felt like the light of the moon on a dark night. It was like warmth to my soul but, that warmth left. It left with the marks of love, that lion left in my heart. 

The going gets rough...

It's one of those days; I think which makes being a Queen apart of the journey. The time when you question your purpose and exsistence in others lives and theirs in yours. When after the hurt you decided to still be vulnerable. When being vulnerable hurts all the more than holding onto your past hurts. Well at least it feels like it.

When your life is moving in the right direction and you are receiving many blessings but it doesn't feel like it. When learning to love yourself is just not fu*king easy. When you don't feel complete unless you have someone to relate to and share your love with. After all you have to be whole to understand and appreciate love. But it's just not that easy. 

The days when the going, it gets rough! When you don't feel beautiful and you haven't in quite some time. When the scars of your battle wounds come to the surface. When you become unhappy of the direction that your life is going because you are not accustomed to change. Change is NEEDED! 

Life feels like work instead of a blessing. It's rough living life and understanding. Be this, be that, think positive, wait for your timing! Time also waits for no man, so why should I wait for time? 

When the going gets rough why do I feel bad about the downs to my up? Damn you society; I just want: to love me, start a business, meet new and awesome people, build great friendships with them, have beautiful dates with an amazing gentleman, be the best me, fall in love, get married, travel, buy a home, create a family, build on my knowledge, appreciate my beauty, look beautiful and feel it, leave a legacy, be a positive role model for young girls.

Can I live? 

Crowned

Promise to myself!!

I had heard of promise rings that people buy for themselves or their loved ones bought for them but never have I went out on a limb to buy myself one. This changed when I came across a ring and it literally spoke to my heart. I am not really the type of person that shops all the time and loves everything I come across, so I knew that making this purchase was in my purpose. It was something that God and myself wanted for me.

I am going to tell you all how I knew it was apart of my path to get this ring. I had just saw in my notifications on Instagram, that a profile had liked one of my pictures. I took the time to check them out, which I usually don't do as often and the first thing that I saw was the ring pictured below. Right then and there I knew that that ring was meant for me to make a promise to myself.

I was not sure which had to put it on because I mean I wouldn't want an eligible King to think I am not an eligible Queen. Then, again I felt as if placing it on my actual ring finger would really make it a deeper promise. I think the placement of the ring also had to do with the ring I had on my middle finger since like forever. I finally ended up with the ring on my right hand ring finger, and I just took off the middle finger ring and placed it on my chain. It took meant a lot to me so I couldn't just toss it to the side.

My promise it to honor myself as a Queen, to ALWAYS love me first and to remind me that I deserve nothing but a King. I will follow my dreams to becoming successful, and remind all other Queens that they are indeed one. This is to growth, love, happiness, abundance and good fortune. 

#QueenThings!

Especially

Crowned