All I want is closure

photo credit: David Blackwell. via photopin cc

Searching for a job post graduation can be what feels like, trying to break a wall with a plastic hammer. I think about every recent grad can agree with me that it is no easy task. It has to be the most annoying things in the world. You begin to feel like that money you spent on college could have been used to open a business or been put to use on something better. I mean do really need to spend so much money on college. I digress! 

Found a job in a place that I absolutely adore and thought that being there would ensure me another job in the same building. Oh did I mention that the job I have now is temporary so I'm still on the search. 

Yea that kind of thang where you are praying to God that you get pretty much the permanent opportunity of your dreams.

Well since being on the search I've had a couple interviews that were pretty okay. I mean I was qualified for all of them. Though, the same thing has been popping up on my mind. Where did I miss the memo that if you are not qualified for said job you don't get an email? I'm not asking for a long phone call or a visit to my home to notify me that I didn't get the job. 

Please just send me an email saying sorry, you don't qualify for this job because there is something better out there for you. 

I don't know, is that not a common thing to do? I need some answers. I pretty much can't deal with loose ends in anything I do. I'm the kind of girl that likes closure. Am I the only one? 

Which leads me to another topic....

That would have to be another post...

I Woke Up Like Dis!

photo credit: DioBurto via photopin cc 

  We teach girls to shrink themselves.

To make themselves smaller.

We say to girls,

You can have ambition but not too much.

You should aim to be successful but not too successful otherwise you will threaten the man.

Because I am female,

I am expected to aspire to marriage.

I'm expected to make my life choices, always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important.

Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support,

But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same.

We raise girls to see each other as competitors, 

Not for jobs or accomplishments,

Which I think can be a good thing,

but for the attention of men.

We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.

- Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche (BEYONCÉ)

828,773 purchased in the first three days; she did that!! Beyonce done did it again. Doing my what feels like 100th listen of the new album by yah girl Yoncé, I was in awe at the greatness that Ms. Chimamanda was speaking on that "Flawless" track quoted above. This got me to thinking, really what's going on in our society? 

The main messages that resonated to me:

• Being "too successful" doesn't make the man look lesser.

• We should teach our young boys to aspire to marriage as we do our young girls.

• Women should be coming together and not fighting against one another. We need each other as a whole.

• Woman should not be shunned for being sexual beings.

If that doesn't say something I don't know what does. These ladies were speaking major gems on this track. Much of the talk of this, what seems to be "controversial" album by the multi-talented singer has been the talk of the world town. Some say Feminism, some say it's just Bey doing the damn thing. The SoNatural has a lot to say in her Open Letter to Black Feminists! 

So when you wake up remember you're flawless!! 

Dreams & Passions

I've been having multiple dreams about my grandfather and my baby cousin. I wonder what it is the Universe is trying to tell me. See my grandfather passed away about 4 years ago which honestly seems like yesterday and my baby cousin was born this year. I'm sitting here trying to figure out what it is my grandfather is trying to tell me.

I loved him without an end and he was like the father I needed in my life. He was so perfect! He was pretty much my everything. So I know he is sending me some kind of message. Just trying to understand it all.

Then I have been getting these signs to complete a project I've had on my mind for some time. It's so crazy! I'm trying to get the idea out but I feel like I keep holding myself back. You know the whole I don't have the money to get it started. Working is cool but I just need to make some more cash to share my ideas with everything. Ughh! 

Maybe I'll stumble upon some money or idk maybe I should start a crowd fund. Then again I really don't know about that crowd fund. Are people really making anything from that? I have become that person that wants to do everything on their own which probably isn't the best. Some days I'm nervous about my idea being taken. Yea, I'm working on it! 

Hoping to one day meet up with the right mentor to guide me. There aren't a lot of good mentors that I've run into. It pretty much sucks ass. 

What really makes no sense as much is that I haven't found many mentor programs for those who have just graduated and are still trying to figure out their passions. I think the 20-25 age group needs it a lot more than those younger. They are in a time when they are feeling stuck. Where do they turn? 

The Lion

I met a guy this year that was like the rainbows of the sky. He adorned me with kisses. His presence it did something to me, it made me feel high. Almost as if it were ecstasy. We would go out on the town, he'd even listen to what my heart desired. It was the simple things that made me appreciate him. The way we connected was like the Universe had conspired our meeting all along. We'd talk for hours simply about nothing. We'd enjoy each other's presence from a distance. He went away one day and he came back and we often spoke of dreams together. His touch it heightened my every sense because there was something different about him. I was confused to whether I had found my King. He pretty much seemed like it because he was...Leo a lion. He protected my every care and he made me feel like nothing in this world could harm me. He held me close and not even tried to come close to my flower. Though I know he envisioned that my flower would bloom with and for him. As every man does. I felt like a Queen protected and yearned by a King. He as I a language of love through touch. It felt so right. He'd make plans of how we would create a kingdom and how I was perfect. How I would be an example to the greatness to come. How his family would be open to me apart of them. How I would be great by his side. We spoke of us connecting on a different level. I was hesitant but, I obliged. I allowed him to be my King, but that Leo he left. I've missed him ever since. He felt like perfection on a bright sunny day and his presence felt like the light of the moon on a dark night. It was like warmth to my soul but, that warmth left. It left with the marks of love, that lion left in my heart. 

Making efforts

To

• try at holistic living

• become more in tune with self

• appreciate my beauty; take more pics of myself.

• manifest my ideas

• get this person to stop blowing their god damn horn outside my house

• find ways to better my writing

• find a way to have another source of income

• network with amazing people

• find a good mentor

• find a mentee

• decorate my room more; it's so bland

• trust my intuition

• save some money

• attract good love

Crowned

Holistic ish

I am completely intrigued by the ability to live a holistic lifestyle. I keep seeing women on social media showing their recipes and the great benefits of living life the healthier way. I even tried the life out for 7 days. I had seen before that many try the vegan life and how they go about it, so I put myself to the test!!

When I tell you it was SUPER HARD!!

Trying to find alternatives to eat besides seafood or fish was just a hassle. I felt like I pretty much had no options. Though, I must say I was lucky enough to try something new and it was really good. Not eating cheese and not eating seafood was like torture. Though, it felt pretty good at the same time.

The only thing that was the issue was that I would substitute high carb items for the food I wasn't eating. That is totally not the way to go though. :-/

And I actually gave in after day 6.... I ate some mac and cheese and had some fish. I really think it is way too soon for me to actually give up fish and seafood. Oh and cheese! I love cheese.

So for the time being I will do more research and pretty much take it slowly. I will pretty much work on my self and grow with myself and what the Universe is giving me as I go along. I have found though that in terms of me getting in tune with my mind has been quite good. I have been doing well with my thoughts as well as just doing more and working on being great.

Holistic living isn't easy for the beginner but I can say that many are doing it so I can surely do the same. Just waiting on the Universe to guide my steps and my greatness.

Condo Life

I have always had a fascination with Condo's and lets just take it to another level. I'm going to share my obsession with you all. Think of this as my vision board that is intended to be a vision for you if you like condo's.

Source: wexzilla

Source: homeizy

Source: howtorentinnyc

These were the few I found searching online.. Super swoon! I'm here like I just want to make some money and own a Condo or two or three.  Do some renting in two and have one that I can go to when I am ready and have a house somewhere cute. 

I say meet some one start a family in my condo then move to a house. You know the family type thang, then we can visit the condo or I can just visit it when I need some alone time or whatever the case may be. Doesn't this life look amazing? I just have to have it, and you know what I will. Some day soon I will have this and more. 

Crowned