Sunday, October 27, 2013

The going gets rough...

It's one of those days; I think which makes being a Queen apart of the journey. The time when you question your purpose and exsistence in others lives and theirs in yours. When after the hurt you decided to still be vulnerable. When being vulnerable hurts all the more than holding onto your past hurts. Well at least it feels like it.

When your life is moving in the right direction and you are receiving many blessings but it doesn't feel like it. When learning to love yourself is just not fu*king easy. When you don't feel complete unless you have someone to relate to and share your love with. After all you have to be whole to understand and appreciate love. But it's just not that easy. 

The days when the going, it gets rough! When you don't feel beautiful and you haven't in quite some time. When the scars of your battle wounds come to the surface. When you become unhappy of the direction that your life is going because you are not accustomed to change. Change is NEEDED! 

Life feels like work instead of a blessing. It's rough living life and understanding. Be this, be that, think positive, wait for your timing! Time also waits for no man, so why should I wait for time? 

When the going gets rough why do I feel bad about the downs to my up? Damn you society; I just want: to love me, start a business, meet new and awesome people, build great friendships with them, have beautiful dates with an amazing gentleman, be the best me, fall in love, get married, travel, buy a home, create a family, build on my knowledge, appreciate my beauty, look beautiful and feel it, leave a legacy, be a positive role model for young girls.

Can I live? 


Monday, October 14, 2013

Better days

Well everything has been going quite well in the past few days and I am absolutely happy and excited to see what great things come about from the opportunities I have been given. My heart feels so much better that a spiral upward has been happening when I felt like things were pretty stagnant. I am hoping that each one of these opportunities work well for the better. It's even got me thinking that I may have to get into Jamaican mode with 10 jobs lol.

Oh by the way I may be sharing more details on how they days go with all of these endeavors in the future. They are just too awesome to not share.


Saturday, October 5, 2013

Homecoming time!!

Is becoming that time of year, yup you guessed well it's in the title it. HOMECOMING!! I really don't have any real experiences going to a real homecoming simply because I've only gone to one at a HS really long ago (at least 4 years ago). I often hear of the really big homecoming thang that goes down in the DMV. I wish I were heading down there to see what the talk is all about. Really I just want to see all the fione Kings that will be there and of course join in the festivities. Though, I won't be heading down this year I must say look out for me at one of the future homecomings. Where you homecoming? Lol

Friday, October 4, 2013

Transitions of Life

I have found that I am learning  to enjoy my alone time a lot more. There have been times I just decide to go up to my room and read, reflect, write or just lay there with a candle lit or not and it kind of feels alright. It's hard doing that and staying away from social media but I'm doing my best. I have deleted instagram from my phone and pretty much get lost in tumblr which feels like a place I can be myself. I really don't understand it. On tumblr I can post anything and I don't feel like someone's watching me or I have to impress anyone.

This then goes into me feeling that quarter life crisis...oh lawwwd. It's a hell of a thing. Trying to figure out how the hell this life thing is supposed to be going. Fresh out of college on the hunt for a job(I admit I took a little hiatus during the summer), to no avail I can't seem to get me a paying job. I have no idea what it is I want to do. I am pretty much feeling lost. Glad though that I have found multiple opportunities to improve my skills and test the waters with some new interests.

It also led me to figuring out what changes I need to make in my life to move forward. One thing that has been standing out all the time for me is the crowd I keep. The people I hang out with now... I got mad love for them but they just aren't benefiting my growth. I hate to kick them the curb but sometimes hearing there shit is just too much for me. It's like do I really need to hear the same crap over and over again. Ugh.

So here's to taking steps!! Winter's coming I hibernate during that time so here's to more self-discovery growth and possible networking and just prepping for my life.


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Sometimes there's a break in those clouds

As Queens we stand strong but from time to time we may have those breaks. Though, we may fall into the whirlwind of negativity we have the power and control to transform our thoughts. It might not feel like we have the control or the power to do so but we do. We have to fall to the knees of the Almighty and ask for his guidance.

I know and can attest to feeling like I didn't have control or that I wasn't recieving an answer when I had hope to get a quick fix, that didn't work.

I had to repair my relationship with HIM and realize that he has a purpose and path for me. In order for me to be able to walk that path I had to build that relationship.

Still journeying

Not that I will ever stop journeying but a lot has gone on since my last post. I have been going to various events and getting my brand out there. Woohoo!! It's still a struggle because I am not the extrovert and I rather people learn of what I'm trying to say instead of who I am. I just want my message to be heard. I want to encourage woman like many others to love themselves.

I personally have a hard time appreciating all of who I am simply because of what I grew around and what society tells me. Society tells us that in order to be beautiful you are perfectly flawless and that totally isn't the truth. EVERYONE has flaws so why hasn't that been ingrained in us many moons ago? I really hope to one day reach the hearts of woman, teens and young children around the world. I also hope that I can teach my future King(s) and Queen(s) that they are beautiful and how to love themselves and others no matter the circumstances.

People are created on love so why is it so hard for the love to be passed through to the child. I wonder if they could create a love potion to be injected into us. LOL. Well not really, that probably would not event be ethical.

In terms of meeting a King, apparently my King is still out there. We just aren't ready enough to cross each others path, which makes me a little sad at times because it's like I miss him and I don't even know him yet. I yearn for him but that only tells me that I need to take steps within myself to meet him. So I will try to work on being patient and just enjoying my time single and exploring the world and myself.